Life Springs Eternal on a Gaudy Neon Street

I remember that day, only about a year and a half ago... January 8, 2008 to be exact... when I looked out the airplane window down on Las Vegas while listening to Sheryl Crow sing "Leaving Las Vegas" on my mp3 player. It was so significant to me. I was escaping the hell of a clutch most locals can never seem to wiggle out of. I was free. Free of Las Vegas and everything it represented, everything it was, everything it meant, everything that makes it a world famous travel destination. While tourists all over the world were traveling TO Las Vegas, I was traveling AWAY from Las Vegas. And damn proud of that fact.


Cute picture of my friend Holly gambling at my favorite slot machine game.

I symbolically died while traveling. The girl who left Las Vegas on January 8, 2008, no longer exists. She completely transformed into a new entity while traveling. She was learning and growing and experiencing so many new things. She was wrapping herself into a cocoon, blind in the dark, ready to open the doors of transformation and metamorphosis. A soul mate of sorts whom I met in Dresden was able to most accurately find a song and video that seemed to mirror my reality. It's called "Strange Little Girl" and it's by the Stranglers. Here's the link to the video if you're interested.
Both my arm tattoo and my new chest tattoo are symbolically telling the story of the transformation that was triggered by vagabonding which is much more complex than I'd like to explain further.

The point is, I am not the same person I was when I left Las Vegas.



And now, almost two years later, the girl I have become recently is ready to go home. I have developed a new found love and appreciation for Las Vegas. I am proud of the fact I was raised there. I'm proud that I'm a mini legend in the small group of people who are attentive to homeless issues. I'm proud of my memories, good and "bad" that have shaped my early stages of transformation. I'm proud of getting my first three legal tattoos by Max at Pricz. Though they pale in comparison to my newest tattoos by Little Mike at Anthem in Gainesville, they ARE me, and I love them. I'm ready to go back home and seal up unfinished business. I'm ready to finally step foot in Las Vegas again and have the ability to view it with entirely new, crystalline eyes. I'm ready to feel the peace float through my chest as I gaze upon familiar places. I will probably tear up a little when I get to Jack In The Box again. I'm ready to dip my toes in the possibilities of participating in the glamorous side of Vegas working. How cool would it be if I could answer "yes" to people I meet while traveling when they ask me if I was a Las Vegas showgirl?! I'm ready to go back to UNLV and finish my degree in social work. I'm ready to start modeling again. I can't wait to do another hairshow and get paid to get an awesome new hair cut, color, and style (and free hair products)!

On October 27, 2009, I will be gazing out of an airplane window looking down at Las Vegas while listening to Sheryl Crow sing "Leaving Las Vegas" on my mp3 player. And it will be significant then, too. Because though I said I'd never go back, I'm actually going back. And that makes me happy. I'm going to buy a "Las Vegas" shirt the first chance I get! I'm a Vegas girl and damn proud!

P.S. Just in case I haven't made myself clear to those of you who don't know, my most recent update on my "leaving Gainesville" plans have turned into the resolve that I'm going to take that flight to Vegas on October 27, but not get back on the return flight. I will stay in Vegas for a while. No Texas. No vagabonding. No road trip. Just going home.

Quitting Smoking. For REAL this time!

Today is Day 1 of me taking a magical pill that is supposed to help me quit smoking. This wonderful yellow pill is called "Bupropion". I'm supposed to take it while continuing to smoke for about 7 to 10 days before kicking the cigs. Then I'll probably start using the patch in addition. I also have quitting smoking hypnosis cd's. I have tried and failed so many times of quitting smoking, but being prescribed this novel method has renewed my confidence. I don't see how I could possibly fail this time! Wish me luck!

PS My injuries are healing quite nicely.

ouch!

Here's the embarrassing tale. I got 3/4 of my tattoo finished yesterday before chickening out. Then I got way too drunk and had a panic attack, ran, and fell down. An ambulance had to take me to the hospital and I got three stitches on my face. my ankle is also really sore from twisting it and I can't walk much. Ugh. Never gonna drink so much again ever!

A new direction

I seem to be having an early mid life crisis. I am officially leaving Gainesville on or around November 14, and I am simply leaving. I have no idea where I'm going to yet. I do know my road trip will eventually take me back to Las Vegas, my home, at some point in the future.

Aside from the constant wandering and vagabonding I have been engaged in ever since I left Las Vegas almost two years ago, I have also been constantly trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Who doesn't? But my most recent musings on that question have led me to a new goal. I'm sheepish to even admit what it is, because at the moment I don't have more than an ounce of confidence about it, but I thought posting my goal on my public blog would make it more real for me, and would give permission to all my blogpeeps (stole that term from you L) to keep me in check. Goals take work to achieve, and everyone knows I'm not a big fan of work. I like instant gratification! But I need to discipline myself.

Anyways, drumroll... my goal as of now is to get back into modeling. However, not normal modeling. I want to be a pinup girl/burlesque queen like Dita Von Teese (in picture). I'm getting the rest of my tattoo finished on Wednesday and then I'm going to quit smoking. Smoking makes me too skinny. Then I'm going to start working out again to get my body back in shape. Gotta have a nice body to be a model after all. Then I'm going to start getting my pictures taken to update my modeling portfolio and probably start a website. Then I need to force myself out of my shy shell and let the Bettie Page inside of me come out! I need to learn to dance and be confident and all that kind of stuff.

So, if anyone has any advice, pointers, wants to help, etc. that would be awwwweeeesome! :)