Cute picture of my friend Holly gambling at my favorite slot machine game.
I symbolically died while traveling. The girl who left Las Vegas on January 8, 2008, no longer exists. She completely transformed into a new entity while traveling. She was learning and growing and experiencing so many new things. She was wrapping herself into a cocoon, blind in the dark, ready to open the doors of transformation and metamorphosis. A soul mate of sorts whom I met in Dresden was able to most accurately find a song and video that seemed to mirror my reality. It's called "Strange Little Girl" and it's by the Stranglers. Here's the link to the video if you're interested.
Both my arm tattoo and my new chest tattoo are symbolically telling the story of the transformation that was triggered by vagabonding which is much more complex than I'd like to explain further.
The point is, I am not the same person I was when I left Las Vegas.
And now, almost two years later, the girl I have become recently is ready to go home. I have developed a new found love and appreciation for Las Vegas. I am proud of the fact I was raised there. I'm proud that I'm a mini legend in the small group of people who are attentive to homeless issues. I'm proud of my memories, good and "bad" that have shaped my early stages of transformation. I'm proud of getting my first three legal tattoos by Max at Pricz. Though they pale in comparison to my newest tattoos by Little Mike at Anthem in Gainesville, they ARE me, and I love them. I'm ready to go back home and seal up unfinished business. I'm ready to finally step foot in Las Vegas again and have the ability to view it with entirely new, crystalline eyes. I'm ready to feel the peace float through my chest as I gaze upon familiar places. I will probably tear up a little when I get to Jack In The Box again. I'm ready to dip my toes in the possibilities of participating in the glamorous side of Vegas working. How cool would it be if I could answer "yes" to people I meet while traveling when they ask me if I was a Las Vegas showgirl?! I'm ready to go back to UNLV and finish my degree in social work. I'm ready to start modeling again. I can't wait to do another hairshow and get paid to get an awesome new hair cut, color, and style (and free hair products)!
On October 27, 2009, I will be gazing out of an airplane window looking down at Las Vegas while listening to Sheryl Crow sing "Leaving Las Vegas" on my mp3 player. And it will be significant then, too. Because though I said I'd never go back, I'm actually going back. And that makes me happy. I'm going to buy a "Las Vegas" shirt the first chance I get! I'm a Vegas girl and damn proud!
P.S. Just in case I haven't made myself clear to those of you who don't know, my most recent update on my "leaving Gainesville" plans have turned into the resolve that I'm going to take that flight to Vegas on October 27, but not get back on the return flight. I will stay in Vegas for a while. No Texas. No vagabonding. No road trip. Just going home.
3 comments:
Sometimes "going home" is the answer. But let's make the most of the next month!
This is the thing, Manda...
I'm thinking back to when you told me you were leaving. How desperate you were to get OUT and find yourself. I remember the sadness I felt to know that so many people were telling you to stay. I especially remember the shit that one of your professors (who will go un-named LOL!) gave you about taking a break from school when you were so close to finishing. And I remember thinking to myself "she'll be back. she most certainly will be back. but right now, she really needs to go".
I'm so glad you went. And I'm even more glad you're coming home.
Smooches!
Oh Launa I miss you so much! We're going to have to do lots of hanging out to catch up with each other when I get back! I'm sooo looking forward to giving you a gigantic hug! xoxoxo
Thank you for always being so supportive of me, even when you were my professor before we became friends. ;) You're the best.
@Norma: I can't wait to see you tomorrow! Sorry I turned all hermit like after my fall. I'm ready to get back into the social butterfly scene again now, though! I'm going to enjoy Gainesville and all my friends in it while I can.
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